People grows.

Sometimes, i wonder...

What is family? 

What is friendship?

What is religion?

What are dreams?

24hours are what we have everyday.

Impermanence.

I remind myself every now and then.

Family-home; 

is the place where welcomes & loves you regardless of your infinite.

Friends; 

are those who share your laughter & tears, play hard & also get screwed together.

Religion; 

is the unseen space within your soul, where your conscience lies, your pillar of strength when everything else collapses.

Dreams; 

are what push you forward, inspires and keeps you moving on & on.

Cherish, love, but don't indulge.

Is moderation a possible thing to achieve?

How would you describe me in 3 words?

Hello dear friends & readers:D

Its been long since i updated,
I really have alot to share but lets do it slow
(the truth is im kinda lazy to update frm time to time :P)

Im currently in my 4th out of 6 postings as HO,
Yet still undecided whether i love surgical or paeds more.
One thing for sure,im not that kinda OCD and meticulous girl that a paediatrician should be(p/s this isnt a negative remark!i totally understand that its necessary kinda thing)

Lets not rush things...

While some of my friends have already gotten married & even "produced" their offspring,Im still a little girl chasing over adventures. So glad to find some close friends in a tiny community in my hospital. My partners of crime of travelling to exotic places,be it near or across the sea^^V

As i grow up,the more i realized how we should take things easily,don't be too harsh to others and to yourself either.Im not good at scolding people,because i never believe in being vocal,as most of the people im dealing with now are adults,so stop expecting they will change because of you shouted at them.The most i will do is just talk or hint or try show them the right way.Then just continue doing my part.Just...CHILL LA

Sometimes i may feel a little bit guilty for pouring out my frustration regarding certain people though...But i only if you really get onto my nerves,ok? XD

Thats about it.Its just me,being random.This is me,writing spontaneously while sitting in my neonate standby room.
*May all babies born vigorous during my call,fingers crossed^^"

the morning dew

The sweet refreshing scent of morning dew

hanging at the tip of the grass

so fragile

so pure

The moment is not ever lasting

but, thanks to mother nature

it happens naturally

every single day

Lets start anew, friend

be as pure as the morning dew

hold on tight even when the strong wind blows

Don's be afraid, friend

even if you were being stepped on

you rise again the next day

Keep your coherence as the morning dew

happy with your own existence

Dance, have fun

sing with the rhythm of the rain

with your head held high

Short-lived, who cares?

Life principles for me to live on:
Reply rudeness with a smile
Reply sarcasm with true kindness.

Don't fight back.
Forgive and forget.

Because these situations are conditioned.
And conditioned things are impermanent.

Counting...

Grateful, for the beautiful place that Im working in. The kinda town which is so laid back, relaxed. The kinda hill that houses cute monkeys, giant trees & sweet fresh air.

Grateful, for a good companion of the day. Sharing thoughts on life.

Grateful, for an opportunity to contribute a little in helping children with leukemia via charity.

Grateful, for the healthy body that allow me to hike up a steep hill. Being able to enjoy the nature & scenery from above, staring at the opposite countless more of hills reminded how tiny creature we actually are. So, do good, have good intention, always. We can't change the world, but we can change ourselves.

Grateful, for the rainy day where i can tuck in my blanket and have my peaceful nap.

and Im still counting:)

Counting

Thankful, for working with good boss that triggers, teaches and gives you encouragement. It gives me strength & confidence. And sometimes, reassurance is all I need.

Thankful, for anybody who talked bad behind my back. It teaches me that we can't please everybody, & definitely can't make everybody happy. While meeting with those people, i just need to shut my senses and carry on with my life.

Thankful, for non-stop admissions during my oncall. It teaches me to stay calm, be more organized & knowing how to weigh between critically ill patient that needs urgent attention vs stable patient that can wait. 

Thankful, for no admission during my oncall as well! Teaches me nothing, but allows me to take some nap throughout the night.

Thankful, for the freedom that Im having. People may call this as lonely, but I named it "freedom" or "liberation".

Thankful, for the lovely family that I think i've been taking for granted. They make me feel like, no matter how much flaw I have, they will still accept and love me for who I am.

Im still counting :)

Discharge surgically!

Discharged surgically after 4 months of training under the awesome Surgical Department in Hospital Taiping...

Been learning alot and just hope that my knowledge acquired throughout these 4 months will be adequate to save lives while Im working as a MO next time in only-God-knows-which district hospital.

Its time to move on to my second rotation of training as House Officer, hoping that I will still keep my spirit high, continue to learn & pick up essential knowledge & skills, and continue to care & feel for my patients. Anybody can become a good Dr who provides the correct management. But sometimes, what the patient needs can be much more than that, they need motivation, they need listening ears, they need jokes & laughters, and they need love.

Regarding their own diagnosis, they need explanation, because this is their body, their life. Once in a while I will see patients coming for follow-ups in clinic due to some malignancy, but upon asking whether they know what findings were the investigations done to them, its quite surprising that they were either given ambiguous answers or totally hidden beneath the truth! Honesty is really important, at least to me. Breaking bad news is hard, but it needs to be done, so just do it with lots of sensitivity and care towards their feelings. Being honest is being fair to them.

One thing that I learned after working as a Dr in the past 4 months, is that we can provide the best care & management, but patient still dies, simply because this is how life progresses. However, we must be vigilant enough to identify any correctable abnormalities and to correct them. If it's beyond our ability to manage, do not be afraid or ashamed to ask your superior/MO from other departments. Do not let the patient dies just because of your own ego of not asking.

Took my end of posting off days. I think it is worth to take off after each postings. Life isn't just about working. I do admit that sometimes I care for my patients but forgot to care for my beloved family & friends. And of course not to forget some me-time, for self-reflection and mind rejuvenation. So far I have no plans at all on how im gonna spend my EOP off days, Im simply enjoying the freedom, not tying myself up for anything.

Well its already quite late at night, time to get some quality sleep, and if Im still alive & breathing next morning, lets see how Im gonna spend my day! Isn't it sounds awesome??
:D

Of work & family

Hello world! C=

Countdown 4 days towards the end of my first posting during HO-ship. General Surgery has ALWAYS been my favourite posting ever since when i was a medical student.

Be it the excitement of holding a surgical blade,
the satisfaction of seeing patients recovered after you cut them open and fixed those shits,
the straight forward & open minded attitude of surgical based people,
the charisma of surgeons who wear fancy cap & blue OT uniform....

Anyway, life needs to move on. As my surgical MO once told me: "Others departments are important too and you can learn as much from them." So, yea im still gonna keep my spirit high as how i did in surgical.

                           ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥

Feeling a lil regretful these days as my parents told me: "Vivian no longer makes frequent calls home anymore as how she did while she was studying..." Sometimes Im just too tired after work, and don't feel like talking. Well i just hope that once a week trip back home will make up for the 5 days of not calling back home. I usually talk A LOT once i meet them! :P 

And the fact that not calling back home doesn't mean that im not missing you or not loving you anymore. Please don't be jealous of my patients because im seeing them more often than im seeing you ya LOL!!! Because im treating them as if im treating my own parents.

HO life

HI WORLD! :D

its been a long while! Well i guess when life gets so comfortable it never trigger your creative part of your brain to work & write... As expected, holiday after i passed my final MD exam was a bliss. Been travelling with my uni besties to Vietnam & Cambodia, also spent some quality time for meditation retreats. Nevertheless, most of the sweetest time were spent with my beloved family. However, life is not forever a bed of roses, when the time has come we move on to the next phase of life=working!

To be honest, I love my job. Been feeling so much alive after started working. I knew from the very beginning that a doctor's job isn't easy, but i never imagined it to be this tough! Those stories that i thought were rumours are actually quite true. During the first 2 weeks of so called "tagging" period, we work for 17 hours a day. Most of the days we didn't get the chance to have lunch/dinner simply because the ward works were never been finished. Yea I learnt how to write faster, to jog instead of walk, to talk faster, to poke veins more accurately & suck the blood out the speediest way. Those were not been easy to me, since im the kinda person who prefer to work at my own pace steadily calmly peacefully. One can never stops learning isn't it? :)

Of course, it takes much love & courage to work in this profession. A patient who came in with burnt wound was yelling in pain, when you tried to clean & debride the wound, he yelled so much louder. Sometimes, we just have to be stone-hearted for our patient's sake. It is so important to stay calm & complete our procedure fast. I tried my best to care for my patients, when i cannot stop their pain, at least i can offer some comfort by holding their hands.

There isn't any existence of the perfect job in this world. Its up to you to perceive it that whether your job is great or sucks. I received negative emotions/comments/words, but i also learnt much from them. So far im utmost thankful to have really helpful colleagues & bosses that were willing to teach & tolerate my mistakes.

Thats all for this time, gotta rest before starting my night shift followed by another morning shift. For my fellow colleagues & university mates, may we work with positive mind filled with love & care each day! :D

Preparing my mind for exam

Its kinda hard to believe that it's actually less than 1 month away from our final MD exam! People around me, including myself has started to become panic & insecure these times. Its really nice to hear from our phase coordinator that we no need to worry too much, that we've already been studying for 5 years! We have studied enough, man~ The knowledge is actually just around the corner of your brain. Just relax...And hopefully the 2 weeks of study weeks will be enough for us to organize and extract out what we've learnt in these 5 years. Being panic is not productive. For me, the only way of being productive is when I enjoy talking with patients, learn and read about their illness when i get back to my room. Then I realised that the keyword is to ENJOY. Love what you're doing, enjoy what you're reading.

Professional 3 exam may sounds terrifying on its own. But so often, everybody is scared because we're actually creating our own fear. We create horrible scenes in the future within our own mind. We tend to think about how BAD things might happen. Instead of thinking of how WELL things might turn out to be!

Here comes our last week to be spent in the ward, stress-free, learning from our patients without bearing any responsibility or fear of any consequences that might cost a person's life. During this last week as a medical student, hopefully all of us can still enjoy learning medicine!^^

Till we meet next time, just would like to remind myself and my fellow batchmates...

ALWAYS HAVE HOPE AND FAITH IN OURSELVES

BELIEVE THAT THINGS WILL TURN OUT ALRIGHT

BEST OF LUCK❤