Channeling my negative charge!

Week 5 of Orthopedic posting:

• Next week is gonna be my end-posting exam.
• I don't think I've acquired adequate knowledge in this field yet.
• I dislike being ignored.
• I hope our presence is acknowledged.
• I like questions to be thrown on me.
• And if in doubt, I wish that my questions will be taken seriously and answered. 
• I think I've tried my best to work hard but still couldn't make myself genuinely comfortable with this posting.
• It's too late now.
• Just keep my fingers crossed.
• I just wanna pass this posting and move on.
• Anyway, I'm still surviving.
• Yes, struggling a bit, but still alive.

P/S: Ignore me, I'm just channeling out my negativity.

And what remains, is positivity.

up vs down/good vs bad

It's another friday night and I've got bitten by the lazy bug today! So not in the mood of reading...Perhaps is it because of my lack of interest in Orthopaedic? I know i just gotta get rid of this thought of negativity. But I realised that the more I force my mind to avoid this negative thought, the more it will lean towards it. Hhmm, still finding a way out...How amazing this mind works huh?=)

Life has got its up and down. We suffer when we expect life to be always UP. So lower down your expectation, accept whatever life gives you, whether they're UP or DOWN, they are all impermanence. They can't stay forever.

Another saying is, we suffer when we judge. We judge that this is BAD, but is it really bad? Not necessary, maybe its just your judgement. We judge that this is GOOD, but is it really good? Not necessary, this is only what you think. There is no good or bad thing, its just something you judged and you labelled them.

Just some random sharing of thought to scribble away my time in a cooling friday night.

Tomorrow will be a better day:)

random scribbling~

Good evening folks!

There's another loooong weekend for Kelantan again, credited to our Malay friends for this 4 days in a row Haji holiday:)  However, as we're turning into adults and carry more responsibility, as in a medical student in clinical year, holiday don't really feel like holiday anymore because we still need to go for oncalls, OTs and cover cases in wards. But i don't think that its a bad thing either, can u imagine just sitting in the room and studying orthopedic for 4 days??? Learning from the patients is much more interesting and efficient than reading textbook, this is really true! Even at times i may feel lazy to lift up my butt to go to ward, but i will never regret when i got back to my room after that=)

So the first week of Orthopedic posting has ended. What can i say? Its another nice posting to me, but not awesome YET, maybe because its just the first week. Im really lucky to have a nice supervisor and an examiner whom according to senior, is quite Benign, if you can understand what i mean, haha! I witnessed the first orthopedic operation and everything was just so cool! LOL~ Im sorry, i think i might need to hide some of my excitement but OT is definitely a place that i'll never grow bored.

Ooyea! Another thing worth mentioning is that one of my best friend from KMPh-Mr CY will spend 3 months of practical for his Pharmacy course here in my campus! So happy to see him, and nothing has really changed! We went for dinner together and also with Angie and her friend, so we get to know new friends while having a reunion at the same time:)  That was a nice dinner and funny chatter to catch up on each other's life, shall come out "yumcha" again before he leaves!haha!

Its all about Italian for this weekend!!!

Creamy mushroom shell pasta with sweet peas^^

Okay, shall rest earlier today. More challenges to be faced in the coming days, weeks and years...But who cares? The future is so uncertain that everything we planned will never happen the way they should be, so STOP worrying about the future and live in the Now, don't live in the Future, and don't ever live in the Past either...

good night=)

the end of Surgery posting

Greetings from me:)
Although Kelantan is immersed by rainy season these days
but I hope that your mood is not as grey as the sky out there

"When one has a lot of mindfulness it's like going out into a garden in the brilliant sunshine. It's energising, it's beautiful. There's a lot of energy and happiness there. If one can develop that mindfulness, that brightness of the mind, and then focus it on a small part of the world, then one sees deeply into the nature of that. The experience of bright and focused awareness is wonderful and amazing! You see much more beauty than you ever imagined.

So this is a useful simile for mindfulness: turning up the lights of the mind. One becomes more deeply aware because one actually starts to sustain mindfulness on one thing instead of letting mindfulness go all over the place. When that happens, mindfulness illuminates that object and builds up its own energy. One really starts to "see" into something very deeply and wonderfully!"

~Ajahn Brahm~

Well this is such a great way to start a new blog post!

by sharing of some words of wisdom by some great spiritual teacher:)

 ♥      ♥      ♥

Another 3 weeks have passed since my previous update! I'd love to post update in every weekends but i can hardly find enough free time to compose. Now, at last, after my end posting exam for Surgery im having a short weekend break before entering Orthopaedic posting!

Group photo taken with our Surgery posting coordinator, Dr Nizam(sat just behind me) right after the end posting exam.

So im feeling so grateful and fortunate to have such nice, cooperative and mostly hardworking group members for my remaining clinical years. My senior was right when he told me that Surgery is indeed a good start because it creates enough pressure and momentum for you to start off Clinical Year, yet you won't feel too stressful as compared to other scarier posting such as O&G. The most important thing is that Surgery department in HUSM has lots of awesome specialists, MO's and registrars who were mostly very keen to teach! In spite of their hectic workload, they still care for the patients whole-heartedly and that was such an inspiring scene to see, not forgetting to mention that they were really helpful in teaching and clearing our doubts and sometimes stupid questions. Haha! Really, i can't feel thankful enough for them:)

From this year onwards, our MD exams are no longer the same as what we used to have from 1st-3rd year. If you never fulfill your responsibility of clerking the cases in wards, read the patient's folder and ask questions during ward rounds or clinical teaching, you might not be able to tackle the end posting exam efficiently, simply because you really don't have much free time to study in your room anymore! I also learned that by seeing the real patients, my knowledge does impinged deeper in my memory when compared to seeing at the photos of patients inside the textbook. Although going to the ward and clinics were tiring, but somehow i regain my spirit shortly after seeing the patients. And i actually had my first experience of Scrubbing-in to assist during my first OT, and it was a case of Hernioplasty. I still remembered the doctor gave me an opportunity of feeling the deep inguinal ring by inserting my finger into it and feel for the bowels. Oh how much i will miss this exciting, energetic and ever interesting posting!

Nevertheless, im looking forward to the next posting--> Orthopaedic! Lets hope for the best=)

                                                  ♥      ♥      ♥

Credited to Angie, today we had an opportunity to follow a kind and compassionate doctor to do free clinic and house-calls. The free clinic was held at a forest monastery so it was a BONUS for us to visit the monastery, paying respects and learning dhamma from Maechee and Bhante over there! When there was no patients to be treated, we just helped around in the chores of the monastery like gardening and moving sand for constructions. Such a well day spent at doing charity and serving others, for me its a great way to reduce the sense of Self. This forest monastery was built over a cemetery area, well-kept, full of flowers and trees and full of Dhamma=nature.The moment we stepped on the ground, we were just feeling so peaceful and calm. This is the reason why i don't feel like stopping in learning the Dhamma, because of the calm, feeling at ease and the peaceful mind. Our minds can work wonder if you know the way of cultivating it towards wholesomeness. Im just a beginner in Buddhism and very keen to learn more and more Dhamma:)

A forest monastery near Tanah Merah

                                               ♥      ♥      ♥

                     Last but not least, its always my Cooking Day in weekends!^^

                  Taco wraps with omelette with fresh capscicum and salad greens. 

Peanut and dried scallops porridge with pickled "choy sum"

I'm back,for good!hehe

Hi guys!!!

I'm back, finally...

Sorry for the abandonment in the past few months

because my 3 months of hols were too fruitful and packyyy~

Erm, quite lazy to blog about my hols as it has become the past

and as a Buddhist we should always live in the NOW

but if some of my readers are interested

i might be able to summarize everything into few sentences

I've made alot of travellings, which included Makassar(South Sulawesi of Indonesia), Taiwan, and Bali...Sight-seeings were fun, but no doubt tiring!!! Besides, of course, I've tried out alot of recipes and did alot of cookings whenever I'm free at home, which I've posted most of my culinary babes in my facebook album^^On top of all these, the thing that is most worthy of mentioning is: I've went for a few retreats at Vihara Buddha Gotama(VBG) and Dhammapiti Monastery. If you never heard of the word "retreat" before, its actually a simple stay at the monastery to practice meditation, learning the most precious Dhamma from great teacher there, and also to keep the eight precepts. So! This is the most well-spent holiday ever in my life!:D

Now, lets just talk about the present...

To be frank, I was facing such a depressive mode for a few days just before I need to return to my university to continue pursuing my medical degree, and i believe this is simply due to holiday-overdose LOL!!! The thought of me entering Clinical year with such a major posting=> Surgery as my kick-start, a part of me just wished to stay at my comfy home forever and go for dana offering every Saturday with my family!!! However, fortunately another part of me knew that we weren't taught to be irresponsible, thanks to the on-going encouragements and reminders from my spiritual teachers. Yes, indeed, running away from reality is not the way. We should face everything with courage, whether they are good or bad, to learn and understand what is life.

The first week of Clinical year was indeed SUFFERING!!! Holding such a thick logbook in my hands, where we were told to clerk and fill in 80 different cases, observe/assist in 20 OTs, attend 12 oncalls and attend 6 clinics, perform many procedures and observe many endoscopes, preparations of student seminars  etc etc...Everyday is just too hectic and I don't even have time to stop and look at what actually Im doing right then!I was just feeling so lost and frustrated and sometimes, the thought of quitting might flash through like a lightning, but luckily it doesn't stay. My mind keeps on reminding me to be strong and endure whatever difficulties and stressful situations I will be facing.

That was about the initial phase, and now I've been "working" in Surgery Ward for 3 weeks, and you know what? I simply fall in love with this kinda clinical life! See, how fast can your mind and perception changes, impermanence~haha!! 

Yes, life is indeed super busy as I need to get up at 6am and go to the ward at 7am to clerk newly admitted patients every morning, after that follow the specialists and doctors to do morning ward rounds, followed by clinical teachings, Operation Theatre(OTs), clinics or endoscopes. With starving tummy, we are often late for lunch and there will be nothing good left for us in the Cafeteria, later then followed my student seminars or topic discussions, and lastly oncall for alternate day. This kinda life is AWESOMELY tiring because after seeing the patients and treating them, lastly discharging them with newly regained good health, this is such a wonderful job isn't it? Of course, in the meantime we're not eligible to treat anyone yet, but the greatest satisfaction comes from the knowledge that I learned from the doctors, doesn't matter they're just MOs or specialists. I'm learning so much everyday, both from the patients and also from the doctors.

Wow, I'd better stop here and hit my bed earlier!Surgery is a posting where we need to study everything from head to toes that require surgical management. And so free time is precious and I shall read more to expand my pool of knowledge and skill, not to impress anyone but for the sake of helping and relieving pain of my future patients.

Hope you all enjoyed reading my post after such a long gap from my previous sharing...

Before bidding good night, this is a warm home-cooked lunch which I cooked during last weekend:

Butter herb rice with Chicken and Capscicum♥

quick share of life and dhamma=)

Just some quick shares:)

this 3 1/2 weeks of revision week for Professional 2 exam so far has been a fruitful one!

in spite of just studySTUDYSTUDY

we were lucky enough to have the chance to do some dana offering at Mettarama...

and of course, listening to Dhamma=)

Mettarama means "loving kindness".

It's a Buddhist association centre in KB where monks will come for visit, dana offering and giving Dhamma talks...

It's indeed a lovely place filled with lovely people...

those uncle aunties from Mettarama are such nice souls!!!

im feeling close to home when we're there chatting together and help them washing dishes and clean up after dana sessions...

 Im really feeling HAPPY and GRATEFUL to meet these great teachers of Dhamma!

The upper left was the most respected Long Phor Liem,

while the upper right was Ajahn Siripanno.

If you're not so familiar with Ajahn Siripanno, he's actually the only son of Ananda Krishnan, the 2nd richest man in SEA!!! 

But despite this, he chose to become a monk, what an inspirational model for Buddhist around the world, not?:)

Selanjar 3 exam result has been released few days ago
and I managed to get a satisfying result=)
that may act as a motivational source for me to continue striving for Pro2!

But there's another great source of motivation:

The Buddha is said to be the best physician in the world.

As his disciples we are physicians for the heart and mind.

You're studying to be a physician for the body, and maybe intellect. :)

~sharing of wise words from Bhante Hye

After long case examination=)

Dear readers!!!
long time no see
life's been busy as usual 
and that's why...

just some quick updates from me:
I just finished my selanjar3 exam about two weeks ago
Well i think i did okay, no regrets cause i've tried my best
but the study week was the most suffering period!!!

Let's have a look~

~MY WAR ZONE~

and this shall be my war zone once again till my Profesional 2 exam finishes at 29th May!!!

but overall i love this study environment=)

and you know what???

my birthday fell on the study week, AGAIN!!!

So my marshmallow aka angel aka ERICA decided to celebrate birthday early with me=)

Thankful to have this great friend to pull me out(temporarily) from the misery of studying...

HAHA

and when i become stressful enough, the spontaneous me decided to cook a great nutritious meal to treat myself...

who else can treat you better than you yourself?

and what food is best for your brain???

DHA from salmon of course...

proudly present to you:

pan-seared salmon with poached pear

This year the Indian Cultural Night fell on the study week too...

my USM besties aka mountain pig aka GEOK XIN and I had our first ever experience of wearing Saree...

millions thanks to Rubeni for this^^

Well, looking at all these pics may give you a false impression on how i was "enjoying" throughout the study week, but in reality, I do suffered from a significant level of stress! The only difference is that this time, I have  found ways to overcome and reduce the stress, and optimise my study capacity(hopefully)...


Then, after finished my selanjar3 exam, of course, is my HOMEY time!!!

Missing my family so much:)

After a weekend retreat back home, I came back to campus only to face with more extra challenges and hectic weeks of Clinical Block, where we need to clerk new and fresh cases each day and to present case to the doctor the next day. However, though it was a busy week but surprisingly I found it exciting and enjoyable, the most important thing is that I was able to learn more and improve my clinical skills from those real patients that I've clerked=)

Next, I have to face another BOMB: Long case examination!!! which finally ends today;)...I was lucky enough to get a not-so-difficult case of patient with Dengue Fever, and Im absolutely grateful to have 2 super kind and willing-to-teach examiners;) Though I did not perform PE smoothly and answer their questions perfectly, but personally I think that I've clerked a good history HAHA C'mon who cares about the marks anymore as long as I can learn! It's better to make mistakes now and learn from it than making mistakes when you're working as a HO or MO right?:)

So that's why I gave myself a permission to linger around here for a while just to give some touch-ups with my life, can't help feeling relieved after the long case examination=)

Lastly, life now has been blissful and blessed by Dhamma:)

Currently I need to focus on revision for Professional 2 exam...
Bye and see you when Im free to blog again
or when Im too stressed up
x)

You can!!!

Owh dear please wake me up from this hot and sleepy afternoon!!!X)


Sorry I'm here just to ramble and rant while taking a short break...
Can't stay for long, because...

I HAVE NO MORE TIME TO LOSE!!!
MOUNTAIN HIGH OF NOTES NEED TO BE REVISED!!!

Hhmmpph!!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Nothing beats my determination...

Don't underestimate your  heart

As long as you want something

And decided to put all your heart into achieving it

There's nothing in this world that is  impossible to reach

Sharing with all my dear friends who are also working hard for exam

Ganbatte:)

live for yourself

After learning dhamma, I've learnt to live moment by moment, enjoying every seconds of my life, and am no longer live the life of others, nor chasing other people's target or dreams. I learnt that life could, indeed be as light as a feather, and that heavy burdens are merely self-creations. 

Finally finished studying the last lecture note of O&G Block, which officially signifies the starting of my revision. Just as you know, my semester exam will come in less than 3 weeks time, closely followed by my Professional Exam 2. And miraculously, Im not feeling any stressful or anxious! Hmm, not sure whether if it's a good sign, but at least I can read and study and memorise facts happily and efficiently=)

Been spending half of my day sitting at a corner in the library, studying... 

And when Im bored, I took pics and edit it using my new found fave apps^^

This app is so user-friendly and addictive!

Especially for those who love cute stuffs like me:)

Some sharing of my memories with dhamma:

Listening dhamma talk from bhante...Freed fishes to the river...Prepared flower bouquet for offering to the Buddha...Chanting and meditating with bhante...

and trust me, this is not gonna be the end, just the beginning;)

Lastly

♥ ❤ ♥

真正的快乐

我心中法喜充满，怀抱着满满的感谢

感恩在大三的我有缘遇见一位好老师

让我领悟正确的生活方式

解答了我对人生的疑惑

学会如何快乐地生活

给了我心中的依靠

感恩我曾经所做的善业

让我这一生能够皈依佛法僧三宝

终于懂得如何当一位佛教徒

感恩能够遇见一班同修

可以互相提醒，研究佛法

一起修功德

我真的万万都不会想到

佛法会对我人生带来了这么大的转变

也因为我的亲身经历

我希望能够引导我身边的知心好友

但能不能够接受也得看各人的业障

所以我并没有强迫

一切随缘

在此想与大家分享这几天和师父结缘的快乐

托师父的福报，我们每一餐都把肚子填得饱饱地

生平第一次插花。。。

师父说插花看花多了，

心里就会想到花，就会自然的想到美丽的事情，

心也会随着变漂亮。。。

真高兴师父称赞我们插的花很漂亮

 之后师父带我们到站佛寺院那里供养我们所插的花给佛陀

还带领了我们一起放生鱼儿

 同修们，愿我们能保持这颗信仰佛陀的心

感谢有你们！当然还有其他没有在照片里的同修。。。

愿我能够永远保持这颗信仰佛陀的心

如果有一天我远离了佛教

希望同修们能唤醒我

或师父会及时出现来打救我

哈哈

但佛教教导我们

不要活在过去

也不要太过担心或计划未来

最重要是懂得活在当下

the present is your present, a gift:)

觉得我的人生从来没有感觉过这么的自在

终于能明白什么是发自内心的快乐

真的，快乐不在别人身上

而是在你自己的心

也愿大家能早日体会到我的快乐

sadhu~ sadhu~ sadhu~