choose happiness

I'm not perfect.

Usually, I won't reveal much of my inner thoughts in this cyberspace but somehow today i feel like doing so. Simply because there's no reason why i shouldn't. Those who don't care won't give a damn on what I'm trying to tell here, whilst those who are my beloved family and friends will get to know more about this girl.

Yes, as what I've told, I'm not perfect. Although I always give false impressions to others that I seems so, I just don't know why. The fact is, you guys just can't see beneath this shimmery glittery surface of mine.

Most of the time, I'm drowning in my own pool of self-pityness. I blame the whole universe but myself for being stuck in this jungle of nowhere for pursuing Medicine, forgetting that it's actually my own choice. I chose my dream of becoming a doctor, I'm pursuing my dream, only thing is that I'm not feeling happy, and I blame it on this place, of being way too far from home, of being too rural, too "malays", too scarce of food etc etc. In the end of the day, I choose to feel miserable, neglecting that there's another choice called happiness.

Sometimes, I may even blame myself for choosing this dream, especially when I'm too stressed and worn out of energy from studying. I never deny that I love the knowledge I gained in the field of Medicine, just that the journey can be so tiring and never-ending. And that made me question myself: why do i choose this spiky stony road? Again, in the end of the day, I choose to feel miserable, forgetting the joy of knowledge seeking, and putting aside my life goal of saving people from illness and sufferings.

I'm such a bad girl, whenever i call and tell my parents about my misery. I knew I shouldn't do so, but I just can't control myself. I love my parents a lot. Calling home should be a warm and happy thing to do, but because of my bad habit, I feel even worse after talking to my parents because it further aggravates my homesickness. I'm feeling so bad for creating pressure to my parents because I keep on telling them how sad and stressed and miserable I am and how much I miss them...

Life offers us choices. 

You can choose to feel miserable and make your life difficult, 

or you can choose happiness and make your life easier.

And today, I'm courageous enough to tell you guys my story because I've decided to make a choice. Yes, I want to choose happiness. It's not easy to break the bad habit and make such a huge change within a short time, I need determination and by taking baby steps, I hope I can transform the rain into sunshine within no time. Meanwhile, I just need to remind myself from time to time. 

"Choose Happiness" 

wish me luck

;)