I cherished my chance of being enrolled into a Medical Degree programme very much. During the pre-clinical years, I studied so hard, way beyond my own previous limits. That time, extra-curricular activities like Wushu Club and Chinese Cultural Night were my only way to escape from lecture notes and books. Those minor and major Professional exams were the most stressful situation I have ever faced.
Living under such constantly stressful and depressing environment, it killed my heart. I can hardly feel. Eventually, what I've been chasing after is to pass all my exams with good grades. Bits by bits, I've forgotten the reason why am I here for the very first place.
Of course, I've passed all my pre-clinical exams gracefully. Here comes the clinical years. Posting after posting, the very same thing happened: blurry first week, less blurry second week, pacing up in third week, motivationally driven forth and fifth week, and VOILA! End posting exam in the sixth week. Being lack of exposure to clinical exam styles during our pre-clinical years, our end posting exams are usually as stressful as Professional exams can get. Again and again, we just aim to pass every postings so that we won't need to stay here for another extra 1 month for remedials while others are enjoying their holiday at home.
BUT!
Something was different though, clinical years somehow made me to be able to FEEL again. Over time, my feelings get stronger. After clerking and talking to my patients, I wished I could help. Looking at how caring the specialists can talk to their patients and plan the best treatment for them, its really hard not to be touched and inspired. Indeed, this is the NOBLEST profession of all. This is what Im looking for I guess, to be able to contribute something, to help somebody before I die.
I am only a final year medical student, placed at the lowest hierarchy during ward rounds. But as sincere as I can get, I truly hope that our seniors, namely House Officers, Medical Officers, Registrars and Specialists could acknowledge our presence more. We are humans, we need motivations. I may not be the best medical student, but I do have a heart to learn to become a good, safe and caring doctor.
"With great power comes great responsibility"
Nowadays, I allow myself to make mistakes and ask stupid questions. Because the great responsibility of handling lives hasn't come to me yet, not until after the day of graduation. Im trying my best to handle my stress level, not letting it to be too over-whelming as it gives more negative impact than positive ones to myself. Im cultivating my heart to be able to feel how patients feel, to see them as if they are my family members.
Well, seems like I have NOT forgotten my dream afterall :)
~The End~
