a walk in the rain

its been raining everyday
at least nobody will see me cry when i walk in the rain


sorry for breaking down
that was all because i care
not only for myself
but for all of us


terrible
its a harsh word to me
a humiliating label


because terrible students
yields terrible doctors in the future
and i don't want that


most importantly
we've disappointed doctors that are willing to teach us despite their hectic schedule
i feel incredibly bad


honestly i've been holding on it for a year
and today, i just couldn't bear it anymore


i've said what i have to say
to change or not to change
is something beyond my control

today was a bad,bad day...

now i just wish to bury myself into the blanket

squeeze out all my sad emotions 

transforming em into tears

and have a good sleep

then waking up the next day

leaving behind the sad emotions 

and wish for a better tomorrow

r@nd0m

countdown exactly 1 week before going home!!!^^

just a random post with some random pics...

relax and enjoy dude~

my pathetic-looking, completely dead and lifeless K810i...

thanks JiaRong for lending me this temporary ancient black-and-white phoneX)

Hmmm~my favourite place in Kelantan!!!

the newly opened Tutti Frutti♥

the instant cure for my emos^^

Last but not least

the recent me

yayaya~my hair is getting longer...

what should i do about it?

suggestion,anyone?:)

till we meet next time...
nitey~

work for a cause,not for applause

live life to express,not to impress

=)

dream big,start small

Here comes the end of the first week of Communicable Disease Block, I have learnt everything from bacterial/viral diarrhoea to biosecurity agents like Anthrax. I enjoyed all the learnings from lectures, clinical teachings, PBLs...But at the same time feeling the tension slowly building when my lecture notes start piling up,which supposed to be a very normal phenomenon...Guess maybe i've become unfamiliar with "pressure" after staying in latency period for too long...Nevermind! I will be gaining back my resistance within no time!=)

Im currently trying to hard to improve on my clinical skills, because deep down inside i know that it has always been my problem, and i've been hiding away from it. So from this semester onwards, Im gonna face the fear, I don't wanna become a doctor that have all the medical knowledges but sucks at clinical skills. Im gonna clerk more patients, to overcome my fear of approaching and talking to patients, taking their medical history and performing physical examinations, most importantly be more confident. Good news is i've made my first big step and it turns out great!=)

Sometimes, it's just hard not to feel lonely. Since there's no way to avoid it, Im learning how to embrace it. It's not that i don't have friends, the only thing is that they just can't ALWAYS be there for you...Same thing, actually i shouldn't be feeling this way because i've been experiencing this in my 2nd year. Anyways, I know there's nothing wrong at all for being alone, im feeling more free even! And I know im not alone for being alone, if you get what i meanX)

My handphone has been declared "battery dead" since last night. Thank you for serving me faithfully in these 3 years! Even though Sony Ericsson phone has quite a bad reputation on short lasting period, but i need to tell you the truth that i've dropped my phone for umpteenth times but it still have perfect functions and lasts long enough for me! A special thanks to my friend JiaRong for lending me his spare black-and-white handphone to last till i can go back home and buy a new one. Hhmmm~ I gotta apologise to my parents for making them worried about me because i didn't call back home for 2 days! And i deserved the "Howler" from my mum in facebookXD

I think that's about it, my grandmother story! Sometimes i do prefer to write in paragraphs, like the traditional way of essay-writing, better way to express my feelings^^

It's a weekend!
Im gonna indulge and treat myself a movie tonight!
Then, buckle up my feelings for a focused, better tomorrow;)

dream big

start small

lil thought(s)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10...22!!!

22 days before going home=]

im missing my family already

like so badly

♡

my "ancient" handphone has gone hay-wired...

the most that i could talk with my parents is 10 minutes

after this it will be burning my ears and fingers

and the conversation will be cut off automatically

oh dear...

i wish we could stick to each other longer

but,i really gotta change you!

xP

my dream phone>>>Samsung S2^^

mom told me that there's now an offer of installment ~RM50 per month for 3 years...

i promise i'll cut down my expenses over here to save RM50 each month...

hehe

♡

found a recipe that i wish to try out today!!!

owh im SO missing my oven at home...

♡

YAY~

communicable disease block will be starting next week!

can't wait to resume my medical studies=)

in the same time meaning that by next week i should STOP honeymoon-ing and drama-movie-novel-magazine marathon!!!

erm...let me rephrase it,instead of torturing and restraining myself from all these entertainments that you could ever find in the "jungle",im gonna treat myself better by doing it in a moderate way muahaha:D

♡

its 10pm...

trying to sleep more while i still can...

Nightey everyone

^^V

learning to live=)

its a leisure afternoon
just had a packet of nasi lemak FOC!!!
ooops i actually paid RM10 for that=.=


RM10(because im one of the AJK)
=seminar on "public speaking" by a super lame speaker+symposium+Course Night of Faculty of Medicine
=3 merit points


for non-committees,your charge will be RM30!!!
not everybody could afford this don't ya think...
but you'll be surprised by the merit points-obsessive crowd
because no merits=no hostel
this is the equation


this ends up...


christian people attending buddhist society's AGM
buddhist people attending christian fellowship's AGM
wushu people attending taekwando club's meeting
everybody turning up in whatever event that grant merit points
they turned up,signed attendence,stay for 5 minutes and leave
FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!
THIS IS SO UGLY!!!
WHO THE HELL CREATED THIS MERIT SYSTEM???

*     *     *

Amitabha~
Sorry for the yelling just now,i promise that this will be the last time of me losing myself to furious-ness. I've been borrowing self-help books from the library recently,and attended Dhamma talk organised by Buddhist Society,although i wasn't able to attend every dhamma classes due to CFCS,i did learn alot from the 2 hours of talk. 


things that worth pondering:
-Everything in life changes(无常).
-Don't be over-obsessed by money and material things.
-Those material thingy can't bring you true happiness.
-Do not deny anything absolutely,be flexible.
-The way to true happiness is to understand the meaning of life.
-Do not let your vision be clouded by $$,earn it through the right way that benefit others.
-Instead of spending your whole life in chasing $$,we should just earn enough for a living.
-For the rest of the time,spend it with your family/loved ones.
-Spend some time to upgrade your inner-self.
-Cherish,those who're still with you.
-Let go,when the time comes,because if there's life,there's death.


These are what i understood and learned from the Dhamma talk by 继持法师.These are really powerful thoughts,at least it changes the way i think and act now,and it makes me a better,happier person:)


Oh i also mentioned about those self-help books i borrow from library right?Nope im not suffering from any dilemma etc,merely wish to make good use of the leisure time now to strengthen my mind,and inner-self,don't think i'll have time reading these books once Communicable Disease Block starts...So,"S.U.M.O" is a really motivational book,it actually stands for Shut Up,Move On! I haven't finished reading it yet,cz wanna digest the information slowly into my head.Hehe! The book that i've finished and enjoyed reading was "The 100 simple secrets of Happy People",it consisted of short stories,and evidence-based research on how you can live happily.


I wanna be a better person than yesterdays
YAY!!!:D

thanks for the memories

drizzling rain outside my window
the weather is so cooling
and im in a semi-conscious state
ready to fall asleep by any second
but NOT before i've finished blogging about this:)

this post is specially dedicated to my beloved club in USMkk...

Thanks for playing a BIG part in my 2nd year in university. 

You made my life busy like hell yet so fruitful and satisfying. 


You snatched away most of my study time, just enough to teach me how to appreciate and make good use of the precious time left.


There were times when i was so angry and frustrated,only through this i've learnt how to manage my emotion and not let everything to be displayed for public. 


Once,you took away my dignity and i felt like giving up,but you made me realize that life has to move on,i finally found my courage and the spirit to make a good fight. 


Serving with you in this whole year was indeed an eye-opener,i was never good in judging between good or bad,but now i think i have a much better "eyesight". 


I have always thought that love is a wonderful thing that you'll never have enough,but you made me see that over-pouring love could bring destruction.The worst part is,when you love truly and deeply,you'll be hurt deeper and longer.


Lastly,you've definitely made me a stronger person,mentally.Im still keeping a strong faith and belief that,the good shall ALWAYS win.And now i believe in myself more than anybody else.

You made me smile.
You made me laugh.
You made me cry.


But no matter what,you're still a beautifully crafted piece of memory which i will be keeping till the end of my life. Im truly happy accepting the fact that im passing this great responsibility to the next generation,in the meantime feeling sad that we could no longer directly contribute to you anymore.Believe me,when a group of people are sharing the same vision of making something better,and together we made a difference,it feels amazing.

We've tried our best and have no regrets.
Its your turn now=)