Wednesday, October 6, 2010


im inspired by jack's latest blogpost regarding the busy life of medical students in USMkk here...
there written "busy...busy...busy...BUT...for what???"

what he said is true though...because i feel the same way too...sometimes i could be too busy till i don't even have time to sit down and think about what i have really done and what are the purposes of doing it...and when i really have time to think about it,i'll conclude that everything that i did,everything that makes my life busy till its no longer being appreciated by myself,they are all being done out of a simple word:RESPONSIBILITY.

please don't ever misunderstand me,its not that im forced to hold those responsibilities...i joined those activities out of INTEREST,but when the interest becomes a duty,a burden,i'd guarantee you that you can no longer remain the interest...sometimes,i may even think of dumping everything aside and just let other people settle it,especially to those who usually dump things for me to settle,but this is not the way im brought up...frankly speaking,its against my principle of getting things done...and so i'd end up swallowing everything into my stomach(lol,no wander i have a very bad digestive system><)...sometimes,i can be seriously frustrated by those who's incapable of getting their job done,its not that they are lack of capabilities,its just that they are selfish,lazy,unenthusiastic,irresponsible and inefficient...but what if those people are your friends?what can you do about it?

now,let's put aside jack's quote...

im was also equally inspired by my indian friend Jason's facebook status:
"It's not that I am too stressed or anything. It's just that I've forgotten how to smile."

it applies to me as well,almost perfectly...during this few days,i've been really emo...i can't smile,i just can't,and what i meant is those smile that really originate from your heart,but not those faking,dry smile...i just feel like there's nothing in this world that is worth smiling,to simplify,there's no reason for me to be happy...and this feeling is so miserable and pathetic cause it sucks away my lively character and it affects my social life as i wrote this in facebook to apologise to everyone that i know:"sorry,sometimes i may not be as talkative and hyperactive and cheerful as i used just so overwhelmed and drowned...please gimme a short break from everything...can anybody grant me this wish?:)"...and everybody replied me with a smile,as if they know that i can't smile,i really appreciate it,but those are in digital ways that i can't make out the sincerities in between,and one of my friend Jamie,we met just now and she was looking into my eyes and said:"vivian,you're really tired is it?i know you are...take some rest,kay?"...she gave me a smile and a warm hug...and i appreciate that,100 times more!:)

this isn't my first time of entering the world of depressed,but this is definitely one of the worst entries...
and i don't even know why...

initially,i don't even feel like talking to my daddy and mummy anymore,because they will have no idea about what im thinking and doing and what kinda dilemma im facing...and so i'd just call and tell them frankly about what i did and what i ate...till today,i called my mum,and told her about my problem,and she asked whether i want them to come and visit me,i was truly touched!and nearly cried...she even asked me to take a flight home during weekends and would bring me for nice cuisines!!!...i would do so if im free during the just sick of everything here,and i need a withdrawal,even for a short while will do wonders...and my mum,she tried to console me that my emotions now is probably due to hormone changes during AV,and it'd be over soon...i hope so too...

this post is getting lengthier!!!

the last chapter,i promised^^

i just wanted to share with you readers about the special encounter of mine today...we were practising wushu and suddenly one of the malay girl junior hurt her right thigh,she was apparently well until moments later she started to have difficulty in breathing,heart palpitations,coldness,dizziness and chest tightness...and then we asked her to sit down and rest and she was also being examined by our wushu 4th year senior but he found nothing wrong with her right thigh...then,we found out that her muscles start to contract,start from her legs,hands,fingers and even facial muscles!!!cheekeong and i then rushed her to the A&E department...and after much examinations by doctors and seniors and also blood investigations,she was diagnosed with sudden imbalance of potassium,sodium,calcium and chloride in her blood,with predominance of hypocalcemia,which caused the symptoms of tetani...and when the malay girl thought she had hurt her right thigh while practising,its actually caused by the abnormal calcium level too...interesting encounter right?but time consuming...i ended up staying there for 3 hours to keep her companied,with another 2 juniors,so nice of them=)...and i also grabbed the chance of learning something from the seniors there...i can see their enthusiasm in doing their job,bravo!^^

hhmmm,let's stop here...its raining heavily outside...and i seriously need some sleep cz i need to wake up early tomorrow morning to join AMSA's voluntary work...will touch up with you guys soon...


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