the Sun will rise

first of all,
i'd like to apologize for the uneasiness caused by my last post
esp to my friends from USMkk
when i said "MOST of em"
i didn't mean "ALL of you"
because i know SOME of you did care for me ♡,♡

however, to be honest
i really dislike people commenting as anonymous
it gave me sense of insecurity
owh please don't do this to me

*     *     *

Musculoskeletal Block...
my least favourable system during my first year
and now it will continue to haunt me from next week onwards
heard from my mum that Orthopedic was my uncle Dr. Lai's favourite posting
there must be a very good reason for that


maybe...
during this April Fool Day
im gonna fool myself:
"Musculoskeletal is as delicious as Baskin Robin!!!"
X)

*     *     *

been reading newspapers daily in the library
everytime i read about the 50 heroes that are risking their lives to save the nuclear plantation from further leakages after the Japanese catastrophic earthquake...
i can't help feeling touched!

deep from my heart...
i wish that 好人有好报
hoping that they will be returning to their family safely after the problems have solved...
you're truly, the heroes of the world

to Japan, the land of the rising Sun

and also to myself:

Don't cry when the sun is gone,

because the tears won't let you see the stars.

~Violeta Parra

you think you know me?^^

Undeniably,
im starting to worry about revealing too much of my inner-thoughts/true emotions in this blog
like nakedly, exposing myself under the sun
XD

but hold on
what you see in the real-life-me is exactly what you read here
i've got nothing to hide
and i never lied

so i think i'll just continue to blog, freely & happily
despite some anonymous that left me with weird comments
thinking that i was rejected by a guy LOL
"he's not the only fish in the sea..."
that was funny
but i appreciate the concern given:)

well that was a good sign though
that means not every of my readers can guess the true story behind my words


my blog is just like a Sudoku puzzle
it may seems easy
but not necessary so
hehe

*     *     *

i was so touched
when my bestie asked me when i will be free so that she can gimme a call
she told me that she's worried about me after reading my blog
and she's gonna gimme a call from New Zealand!!!


well...
my friends in my university campus here don't even bother to ask me what happened when they saw the changes in me...
the way i was so depressed, 
the way i tried to stay away from the crowd, 
the way i kept myself quiet all the time for the past weeks


most of 'em will just discuss among themselves
"what happened to XXX recently arr?"
then they will bury their head into the Pathogenesis of Diabetes Mellitus
the only thing that they cared

im not comparing
merely emotionally fluttered
by the truth of reality

a true friend

even though you're millions of miles away from me

you are the best gift God has given to me♥

who are you?

i hate myself for being such a pessimist lately...
when i tried to squeeze out a smile in front of my friends
when i tried to make myself sounds cheerful
when i tried to fill in the darkest hole inside my heart with lecture notes, novels & dramas
when i filled this blog with pathetic posts
i hate it.


i miss home, so SO much
till i don't actually feel like ringing home
because i can feel the gap widening whenever we talk
it hurts.


i love you
i miss you
daddy & mummy


i really wanna go home
but i can't
the flight tickets are too expensive
plus a heavy Musculoskeletal Block coming up
and many more unsettled matters over here
oh when can i be free from all these?


i don't feel like myself anymore
and i feel like crying:(

stop being such a baby

will you?

another sleepless night

if i ever knew that it will hurt so much...
i'll not dive in, so deeply...

flowing in the river

my eyes are filled with tears
so full that it had blurred my vision
secretly telling you that it flowed down once
when my lower lids couldn't bear the weight anymore


only once... 
it flowed across my cheeks
running across the tip of my nose
reaching my lips
i tasted it
bitter.


then
i made a promise to myself
to never, ever shed a tear
not in front of anyone, at least.

i'll just close my eyes,

tilt my head,

let it flows into my heart.

sharing❤

this is so true...

vanish~

For once in my lifetime, I wish I could vanish into thin air

Out of sight

Out of mind

Close my eyes

Cover my ears

Shut my mouth

***

I think I might have acquired immunity and tolerance

Because I can no longer feel the pain

Even if my heart is actively bleeding

What drains together with the blood is my soul

Leaving behind an empty shell

***

Humans’ complexity had scared me to death

Maybe it’s just me

Being too ignorant

Too silly

To keep on believing in simplicity

***

No, you can’t find me

You can’t see me either

Bye 

let the music heals my heart

sharing of some beautiful lyrics ♥

<你是我的ok绷>

by 浪花兄弟

就算失败就算沮丧依然记得回家

伤心就抱着家人朋友好好哭一场

艳阳会晒乾一切一切烦恼忧伤

服下我的疗伤歌曲良药并不苦

用耳朵用心听我唱 我的精彩故事还没说完

蝴蝶蝴蝶飞在天空挥动翅膀阿哈

牠其实从前也只是只毛毛虫

阿不要灰心 钱没再赚 失恋再谈 

只有生命不能重来 所以珍惜它的精彩

我们全都是 渺小蚂蚁 却都有存在的那意义

不愿失去 别失去勇气 那就创造回忆 

裙摆舞动飘逸 踏出旋律涟漪的倒影 

ps...actually im not sure what's the meaning of "ok绷" LOL
but this lyrics touches my heart
together with the melody
i find myself melting:)


it reminds me of home
the only place that i ALWAYS belongs to

***

<稻香>

by Jay Chou

對這個世界如果你有太多的抱怨

跌倒了就不敢繼續往前走

為什麼人要這麼的脆弱 墮落

請你打開電視看看

多少人為生命在努力勇敢的走下去

我們是不是該知足

珍惜一切 就算沒有擁有

不要這麼容易就想放棄 就像我說的

追不到的夢想 換個夢不就得了

為自己的人生鮮豔上色 

先把愛塗上喜歡的顏色

笑一個吧 功成名就不是目的

讓自己快樂快樂這才叫做意義

童年的紙飛機 現在終于飛回我手裡

and this...

is my source of inspiration

it reminds me to cherish what life offers to you

tells me not to give up easily

try to make my life more colorful

and that success and glamour aren't your destination

your true destination=your own happiness 

***

i hope you all will enjoy the lyrics as much as i do

you can download the songs and listen to it if you're interested

trust me, they are reaaaal niceeeee!!!

ps,

music does heals

:)

seeking for the brightest moon

mum told me that tonight, 
we can see the brightest moon over the centuries


i walked out from my room
looking for the moonlight
but what i see are thick, dark clouds
that completely obscure the moon


i walked to the opposite corridor
ah~
finally, i found it!!!
but it's not as big and round as i've expected


this reflects life
isn't it?


*     *     *


often
our eyesights are blocked by those clouds
we tend to judge things/people wrongly


someday
when you look from a different angle
if you're not giving up on seeking the truth
you'll be able to see it


however 
be prepared
the truth maybe ugly


so ugly that you regret seeking for it


*     *     *                            


dad asked me to be careful
"be careful of?" i asked.
"everything." dad said.


*     *     *


the Earth is no longer a safe place to live
natural disasters strike the most unexpected land
a form of punishment i believe
but to whom?
the bad AND the good


someone told me that the world can never be fair
bad people get the credits
while good people get the penalties
this happens in every seconds


*     *     *


the world that im living in...
it makes me feel so insecure
sometimes i don't feel like i belong here
but my dream does
that's why im not giving up and run away


*     *     *


a heart of gold
it's merely a myth


if it ever exists for a second
it will be dead in the next second


will this ever come to an end?
kill my heart
take it away
i don't mind, anymore.

J, I Love You

Oh~

complications of diabetes mellitus~

your story seems never ending!!!

nevermind...

let's take a break^^

*       *       *

these days...

i'm falling head-over-heels for you 

i thought time would wash away my feelings towards you

but now it proves otherwise

i love you

Jay!!!!!!!!!!!

i didn't get to watch his concert in Malaysia...

but!!!

thanks to Jun!!!

for borrowing her precious Jay's latest concert DVD to me!!!

and im watching it over and over again^^

the visual effect is SUPERB!!!

oooOOOOoooOOO

Jay and Jolin

so sweet^^

my favourite movie: The Secret

i wanna watch it again but my DVD is far away at home...

it has a really unique storyline

with nice music

romantic scenes

touching, heart-breaking dialogues

highly recommended by vivian!!!

*       *       *

i love the melodies of all Jay's songs

with combination of Fang Wen Shan's lyrics

they are perfect!!!

in life...

sometimes...

you just need an idol

be it your favourite actor/singer/philosopher/scientist

to give you a kick

to help you move on

somehow

it remind me that

dream never fails

:)

ACCIDENT!!!

ooOOWH MY GOSH!!!

i accidentally edited the entire layout of my lovely blog!!!

sob~

been spending hours to design this

but i still think that the previous one looked better

fill me in with your feedback kay?;)

im hoping that my readers will pay more attention to what i wrote

instead of how bad is the combination of colours of my blog=)

im not in the mood of blogging about my life in this moment...

will update with you guys later i promise!

before waving goodbye,

let's pray for Japan...

a mind-clearing jog

i took part in Sustainable Run-10km jogathon this morning
and it feels awesome!


drenched in sweat
rosy cheeks
jelly feet
BUT clearer mind!
i need this badly...
especially after all incidents that happened recently
too much overlappings that i couldn't think clearly, wisely anymore


*     *     *


how i wish that i could borrow the Time-Turner from Hermione
maybe, just maybe we can mend the mistake
but could things be reversed if we're given a second chance?
its still a BIG question mark, a mystery, an unknown


we can only select one choice amongst choices
none of them is perfect
but if time could be reversed
would you make a change?


*     *     *


obviously
there are misunderstandings again
God shouldn't have created human beings with mouths
because anything that comes out from the lips
although some could be sweet
but MOST of them are ugly and dangerous


and believe me...
speech skill is the hardest thing to learn in life


*     *     *


no matter what happened
im standing on a firm, solid ground
i remained honest to myself and everybody
i did what i think best
to the one i loved


but halfway through
i feel so sorry
because things turned out badly, a total mess
i don't even know why
and now im still devoid of the exact reason
we need more investigations


maybe...
every actions carry different forms of consequences
and there's someone that took some actions
thinking that it would only cause small effect
without knowing that there are interconnections between human beings
and the amplifying effect of it


*     *     *


things weren't as complicated as you think
it wasn't as dark as you imagined
it's just that we didn't turn on the light
please don't ask why
you'll get to see and understand soon
when you've grown old enough, mentally
i hope


*     *     *


things are over-pouring in my mind
how can i concentrate on reading Diabetes Mellitus
and it'll be my turn to present case next week
another skill that i need to learn:
to control my mind
remove the clouds
see things clear


i believe that there are solutions for every problems
just that we haven't found it yet
but soon, we will find it


*     *     *


however
despite of how messy things have turned out
im confident enough to think that
together, we can sort things out


nothing can defeat love and unity:)

❤ps❤

never easily  lose trust in people that you believe in

Zen~

you're too explosive

you're too emotional

sometimes, you just can't display every feelings 

you can't simply write every emotions on your face

you need to hide it, for greater good

when comes to acting, you totally sucks!

you'll not be able to achieve great things with this kinda...honesty!

which is used in the exact wrong wayyyy!!!

so...

this is what you need to learn:

from now on...

you need to search for the calmness within your inner-self

you need to achieve "Zen"

promise me that you'll try your best;)

ps...life's indeed complicated, but please protect your mind, keep it away from being polluted.

May Zen comes to you when you're facing any rocks and pebbles along the journey♥

the silence killer

what's your problem actually?

why can't you just open your mouth and talk?

please don't look at me innocently and expect me to help

cz im totally tired of these 

i'll just look back into your eyes and smile

i used to help when you're facing problem halfway while discussing

i used to share what i've read and learnt

i used to contribute even if it's none of my business

BUT

the more help i've offered

the more dependent you are

hey

there's no such thing as clever or stupid person

i care about the discussions

i hope everyone can learn something from it

so i put my heart into the preparations

i read

as much as time permits

as deep as i could understand

so that i can explain to you if you're having any doubts

but you?

printing those handouts means nothing

if you didn't really understand and read well enough 

if you're giving me surface informations i'd rather read that by myself

the purpose of assigning only one topic for each person is to reduce the workload

so that we'll have time to TRULY read and understand the topic,thoroughly

i used to throw many questions to you while you're explaining

but gradually i stopped

because i knew that you'll not able to answer it

and that will only makes you more embarassed

sometimes...

i knew some of you know something

you may know the answer

but you just refused to speak

why???

haiz~

please...

speak speak SPEAK!!!

ps...i hope i didn't offense anyone...i just wanna voice out my opinion...and im just hoping that our discussions will turn from a dead into a lively one...