on new year eve

Hi world:D
wonder why everybody's talking bad about 2011


i mean...
it couldn't be THAT bad right?
bad memories give us lifelong lessons
nice memories give us something sweet to savour
and im grateful that when i look back 
i recalled more smiles than tears


So, its another last day of the year. And im stuck at my campus as usual. Tonight's gonna join a Buddhist activity outside campus though, at least my new year eve is occupied by a much meaningful activity than reading lecture notesX)


Hhmmm, it has always been my habit of jotting down new year resolutions. And i've just took a glimpse on my last year's resolution. Interestingly, im actually thinking of reuse and recycling most of them to be this year's resolution, maybe just need some modifications. Will updates with you guys once i've figured it out:)


Before publishing the final list of new year resolution, i have one, just ONE little wish for the upcoming year...


~I wish to live a happier, purposeful life


ONE more...hehe


~I wish for good health and happiness to my loved ones, esp my family

Lastly,

DEAR READERS

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

MAY EVERYBODY BE BLESSED WITH A MORE JOYFUL YEAR AHEAD

=)

dearest 2011,

thanks for the memories

but i won't linger around you anymore

will be starting my life anew with enthusiasm and hope!!! 

a weekend retreat

*beaming with joy*

will be heading home tonight!!!
gonna celebrate Winter Solstice and also Christmas with my beloved family this year!!!


although i only have 3 precious days to be spent with my family
but its more than enough to cure my homesickness


and im gonna take this opportunity to take a break from my studies
sometimes when you're too occupied in doing the same damn thing everyday
you tend to forget the ultimate reason why you're doing it
and you'll see life as a meaningless one


promised that i'll return on monday as a brand new me
living with passion and compassion
love towards people
and never, ever forget my hope and dream

wishing my dear readers

Merry Christmas

&

冬至快乐

=)

choose happiness

I'm not perfect.

Usually, I won't reveal much of my inner thoughts in this cyberspace but somehow today i feel like doing so. Simply because there's no reason why i shouldn't. Those who don't care won't give a damn on what I'm trying to tell here, whilst those who are my beloved family and friends will get to know more about this girl.

Yes, as what I've told, I'm not perfect. Although I always give false impressions to others that I seems so, I just don't know why. The fact is, you guys just can't see beneath this shimmery glittery surface of mine.

Most of the time, I'm drowning in my own pool of self-pityness. I blame the whole universe but myself for being stuck in this jungle of nowhere for pursuing Medicine, forgetting that it's actually my own choice. I chose my dream of becoming a doctor, I'm pursuing my dream, only thing is that I'm not feeling happy, and I blame it on this place, of being way too far from home, of being too rural, too "malays", too scarce of food etc etc. In the end of the day, I choose to feel miserable, neglecting that there's another choice called happiness.

Sometimes, I may even blame myself for choosing this dream, especially when I'm too stressed and worn out of energy from studying. I never deny that I love the knowledge I gained in the field of Medicine, just that the journey can be so tiring and never-ending. And that made me question myself: why do i choose this spiky stony road? Again, in the end of the day, I choose to feel miserable, forgetting the joy of knowledge seeking, and putting aside my life goal of saving people from illness and sufferings.

I'm such a bad girl, whenever i call and tell my parents about my misery. I knew I shouldn't do so, but I just can't control myself. I love my parents a lot. Calling home should be a warm and happy thing to do, but because of my bad habit, I feel even worse after talking to my parents because it further aggravates my homesickness. I'm feeling so bad for creating pressure to my parents because I keep on telling them how sad and stressed and miserable I am and how much I miss them...

Life offers us choices. 

You can choose to feel miserable and make your life difficult, 

or you can choose happiness and make your life easier.

And today, I'm courageous enough to tell you guys my story because I've decided to make a choice. Yes, I want to choose happiness. It's not easy to break the bad habit and make such a huge change within a short time, I need determination and by taking baby steps, I hope I can transform the rain into sunshine within no time. Meanwhile, I just need to remind myself from time to time. 

"Choose Happiness" 

wish me luck

;)

most memorable part of my interesting medical student life

although its only been a week since i posted my last entry

i feel like centuries!!!

dunno why~

most probably due to the hectic week i guess

so how's everyone?

=]

as what i told ya... my last whole week were sooo packed, like canned sardinesX)... anyway, im glad that i made it through. So, to summarize(so that dear readers you won't "X" my blog^^), the main event of my 3rd year in this university has finally ended, quite successfully i would say, which is the Intervarsity Wushu Championship. There were lots of preparations, quarrels, sweats and tears but the most important thing is that at the end of the day, when we think back what we did, that will bring smiles on your face=)... And i think we've made a good impression of our Wushu Club to other universities too, as most of their feedbacks are the positive ones...

Well, right after that event, after the hustle and bustle of cleaning and tidy up the mess, the day after, was our turn to revisit our village for our CFCS Intervention Programmes, and this time, its no laughing matter, cz we need to stay at a foster parents' home for 5 days!!! I just gotta admit that i was feeling quite worried+anxious, cz although im not that princess-sy, im still having my own intolerance over certain things. Anyhow, i tried to believe in my coping and adapting skill, and eventually things turned out good^^

if it wouldn't be my stolen faves crocs shoes...and the cockroaches and ants in my room at my foster parents' house, i would say that things were GREAT!!!X)

  

lets enjoy some snapshots from our CFCS programme!!!

which consists of activities such as house-to-house visit for educate and poster-distribution, family day, health screening, talks and forums, taiji practice sessions etc etc...

our objective was to educate the villagers on living a healthy lifestyle by exercising and eating healthily, in order to reduce obesity^^

my mak angkat and ayah angkat...and also another 2 malay friends who were staying in the same family with me...

my first meal with my keluarga angkat...a noble lunch cooked by all of us together...

ps,i was in-charged of the vege^^

various kuih prepared by my mak angkat...she ROCKSSSS at making kuihs!!!hehe

the pretty girl on the right with brown shirt is my adik angkat...on free time,she brought us to some sight-seeings around the kampung and this nice unpolluted river

besides, i've also tried many things that i've never even heard before, such as cooking "bubur asyura"

 the end product of bubur asyura after stirring non-stop from 8am-5pm...

ingredients: rice,water,corn,beef,red bean,green bean,gula melaka,sugar,various spices,curry,coconut milk,blended onion,chilis and garlics...

sounded weird, but surprisingly, it tasted quite good!

*on individual preference

we invited one of our lecturer in USMkk, Dr Ang to teach the villagers to practice taiji...

 some of the games played during the Family Day...

cooking demonstration and competition...our objective was to teach the villagers how to cook their food in the healthy way by reducing the usage of oil, sugar and salt...

colouring competition

给自己

无论多累 
都得努力撑下去


无论多气 
都得保持菩萨般清静的心


无论多郁闷
都得抱着开朗的心情


无论多缺乏睡眠
都得试着精神奕奕


无论多紧张压力
都得保持镇定


黄欣茹
相信自己
能走到今天的你
肯定不是想象中的脆弱！！！


最后，只想告知于未来的挑战：
来吧~
我已全副武装等待克服你！！！

rewinding happy days

well these were the few things that i did during my hols

sharing with you guys

at the same time rewind those happy moments♥

simple happiness comes from every early morning hill-hiking with my parents and our pet doggy Cody

we celebrated my sis's sweet 16th birthday during our Penang trip, and satisfied her wish of a Chocolate Indulgence cake from Secret Recipe

not to forget to spend some time with my  beloved popo

next would be my cousin: Ah Teng jie jie's wedding...all i can see is an over-the-moon bride smiling like she's the happiest,luckiest girl in the world!!!and her bridegroom oh-so-romantic singing to welcome his bride during the grand entrance was the highlight of the night!!!they just looked super gorgeous together!!!wishing them of eternal love and forever happiness^^

and all my relatives looked soOO gorgeous too during the wedding dinner!!!

last but not least...my cooking diary again=)

i tried to bake a super healthy oatmeal cookies with less sugar,less butter,less flour,less eggs and MORE oatmeals!!!so i'll not feel guilty when eating it hehe!and i added raisins and choc chips...and it just taste SO nice!!!one of my fave end product...will bake it again perhaps during CNY hols...

and this...TADAA~

is my daddy's favourite roast chicken...sometimes i could be so jealous of this chicken because i suspect my daddy miss him more than me...just kidding la~XD

anyway,its seasoned with butter,rosemary,lemon,salt,pepper and oregano spices...and then bake in the oven with slices of pumpkin...one of the successful recipe that i "steal" from Masterchef Australia hehe

bye holidays!

after the short yet precious 1 week holiday
im back to my campus again
with sleep deprivation and homesick-ness


haha!!!
yup i always sleep less when im at home
too busy watching Junior Masterchef Australia every midnight xp
and despite that waking up every morning at 6am to hill-hiking with mum & dad
then spending my afternoon food-hunting,shopping or baking
and my holiday flies away...
just.like.that


i finally got my new phone!!!^^V
still exploring...
is there a book entitled "Technology For The Dummies"???
if so,i'll definitely need to read thatX)
but im feeling so-so-SO grateful...
thanks to daddy im now having a handphone,medical dictionary,high pixel camera,entertainments etc etc all inside my pocket!!!=)


my luggage was overweight when i was "flying" back
all i've gotta do is act as if my luggage was feather-light
and YES!!!
i managed to pass through the boarding gate without being charged extra by Air Asia^^
and did i tell you that my luggage was actually full of food???
ALL TYPES OF FOOD!!!
instant porridge,instant mee suah,instant noodles,instant soup,chewy Quacker bars,Oat cereals,biscuits,and lots-AND-LOTS of apples,oranges and percimmons!!!^^
my lovely parents they're just so worried that i'll be starving in my campus
so basically they were hunting for the best instant food for me><
im simply the luckiest daughter in the world!!!♥


its been the 3rd day since i came back to my campus
and im still NOT in the mood of studying yet...
HELP!!!
i keep falling asleep in lectures@.@
and im so sick of the rainy weather in kelantan...
it just makes me feel so cold,lonely,emo and lifeless...


nah~
STOP blaming on the weather would you???
take some good rest and restore your spirit and energy to learn!!!

one of my fave quote:

there are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't.

what you've gotta do is turn around and say:

"watch me" 

homey time!!!

NO MORE BARLEY AS REGULAR MEALS FOR ONE WHOLE DAY!!!

 NO MORE OATMEAL FOR DINNER EVERY NIGHT!!!

Its time to go home!!!

and get F.A.T!!!

homey homey here i come

:D

a walk in the rain

its been raining everyday
at least nobody will see me cry when i walk in the rain


sorry for breaking down
that was all because i care
not only for myself
but for all of us


terrible
its a harsh word to me
a humiliating label


because terrible students
yields terrible doctors in the future
and i don't want that


most importantly
we've disappointed doctors that are willing to teach us despite their hectic schedule
i feel incredibly bad


honestly i've been holding on it for a year
and today, i just couldn't bear it anymore


i've said what i have to say
to change or not to change
is something beyond my control

today was a bad,bad day...

now i just wish to bury myself into the blanket

squeeze out all my sad emotions 

transforming em into tears

and have a good sleep

then waking up the next day

leaving behind the sad emotions 

and wish for a better tomorrow

r@nd0m

countdown exactly 1 week before going home!!!^^

just a random post with some random pics...

relax and enjoy dude~

my pathetic-looking, completely dead and lifeless K810i...

thanks JiaRong for lending me this temporary ancient black-and-white phoneX)

Hmmm~my favourite place in Kelantan!!!

the newly opened Tutti Frutti♥

the instant cure for my emos^^

Last but not least

the recent me

yayaya~my hair is getting longer...

what should i do about it?

suggestion,anyone?:)

till we meet next time...
nitey~

work for a cause,not for applause

live life to express,not to impress

=)

dream big,start small

Here comes the end of the first week of Communicable Disease Block, I have learnt everything from bacterial/viral diarrhoea to biosecurity agents like Anthrax. I enjoyed all the learnings from lectures, clinical teachings, PBLs...But at the same time feeling the tension slowly building when my lecture notes start piling up,which supposed to be a very normal phenomenon...Guess maybe i've become unfamiliar with "pressure" after staying in latency period for too long...Nevermind! I will be gaining back my resistance within no time!=)

Im currently trying to hard to improve on my clinical skills, because deep down inside i know that it has always been my problem, and i've been hiding away from it. So from this semester onwards, Im gonna face the fear, I don't wanna become a doctor that have all the medical knowledges but sucks at clinical skills. Im gonna clerk more patients, to overcome my fear of approaching and talking to patients, taking their medical history and performing physical examinations, most importantly be more confident. Good news is i've made my first big step and it turns out great!=)

Sometimes, it's just hard not to feel lonely. Since there's no way to avoid it, Im learning how to embrace it. It's not that i don't have friends, the only thing is that they just can't ALWAYS be there for you...Same thing, actually i shouldn't be feeling this way because i've been experiencing this in my 2nd year. Anyways, I know there's nothing wrong at all for being alone, im feeling more free even! And I know im not alone for being alone, if you get what i meanX)

My handphone has been declared "battery dead" since last night. Thank you for serving me faithfully in these 3 years! Even though Sony Ericsson phone has quite a bad reputation on short lasting period, but i need to tell you the truth that i've dropped my phone for umpteenth times but it still have perfect functions and lasts long enough for me! A special thanks to my friend JiaRong for lending me his spare black-and-white handphone to last till i can go back home and buy a new one. Hhmmm~ I gotta apologise to my parents for making them worried about me because i didn't call back home for 2 days! And i deserved the "Howler" from my mum in facebookXD

I think that's about it, my grandmother story! Sometimes i do prefer to write in paragraphs, like the traditional way of essay-writing, better way to express my feelings^^

It's a weekend!
Im gonna indulge and treat myself a movie tonight!
Then, buckle up my feelings for a focused, better tomorrow;)

dream big

start small

lil thought(s)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10...22!!!

22 days before going home=]

im missing my family already

like so badly

♡

my "ancient" handphone has gone hay-wired...

the most that i could talk with my parents is 10 minutes

after this it will be burning my ears and fingers

and the conversation will be cut off automatically

oh dear...

i wish we could stick to each other longer

but,i really gotta change you!

xP

my dream phone>>>Samsung S2^^

mom told me that there's now an offer of installment ~RM50 per month for 3 years...

i promise i'll cut down my expenses over here to save RM50 each month...

hehe

♡

found a recipe that i wish to try out today!!!

owh im SO missing my oven at home...

♡

YAY~

communicable disease block will be starting next week!

can't wait to resume my medical studies=)

in the same time meaning that by next week i should STOP honeymoon-ing and drama-movie-novel-magazine marathon!!!

erm...let me rephrase it,instead of torturing and restraining myself from all these entertainments that you could ever find in the "jungle",im gonna treat myself better by doing it in a moderate way muahaha:D

♡

its 10pm...

trying to sleep more while i still can...

Nightey everyone

^^V

learning to live=)

its a leisure afternoon
just had a packet of nasi lemak FOC!!!
ooops i actually paid RM10 for that=.=


RM10(because im one of the AJK)
=seminar on "public speaking" by a super lame speaker+symposium+Course Night of Faculty of Medicine
=3 merit points


for non-committees,your charge will be RM30!!!
not everybody could afford this don't ya think...
but you'll be surprised by the merit points-obsessive crowd
because no merits=no hostel
this is the equation


this ends up...


christian people attending buddhist society's AGM
buddhist people attending christian fellowship's AGM
wushu people attending taekwando club's meeting
everybody turning up in whatever event that grant merit points
they turned up,signed attendence,stay for 5 minutes and leave
FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!
THIS IS SO UGLY!!!
WHO THE HELL CREATED THIS MERIT SYSTEM???

*     *     *

Amitabha~
Sorry for the yelling just now,i promise that this will be the last time of me losing myself to furious-ness. I've been borrowing self-help books from the library recently,and attended Dhamma talk organised by Buddhist Society,although i wasn't able to attend every dhamma classes due to CFCS,i did learn alot from the 2 hours of talk. 


things that worth pondering:
-Everything in life changes(无常).
-Don't be over-obsessed by money and material things.
-Those material thingy can't bring you true happiness.
-Do not deny anything absolutely,be flexible.
-The way to true happiness is to understand the meaning of life.
-Do not let your vision be clouded by $$,earn it through the right way that benefit others.
-Instead of spending your whole life in chasing $$,we should just earn enough for a living.
-For the rest of the time,spend it with your family/loved ones.
-Spend some time to upgrade your inner-self.
-Cherish,those who're still with you.
-Let go,when the time comes,because if there's life,there's death.


These are what i understood and learned from the Dhamma talk by 继持法师.These are really powerful thoughts,at least it changes the way i think and act now,and it makes me a better,happier person:)


Oh i also mentioned about those self-help books i borrow from library right?Nope im not suffering from any dilemma etc,merely wish to make good use of the leisure time now to strengthen my mind,and inner-self,don't think i'll have time reading these books once Communicable Disease Block starts...So,"S.U.M.O" is a really motivational book,it actually stands for Shut Up,Move On! I haven't finished reading it yet,cz wanna digest the information slowly into my head.Hehe! The book that i've finished and enjoyed reading was "The 100 simple secrets of Happy People",it consisted of short stories,and evidence-based research on how you can live happily.


I wanna be a better person than yesterdays
YAY!!!:D

thanks for the memories

drizzling rain outside my window
the weather is so cooling
and im in a semi-conscious state
ready to fall asleep by any second
but NOT before i've finished blogging about this:)

this post is specially dedicated to my beloved club in USMkk...

Thanks for playing a BIG part in my 2nd year in university. 

You made my life busy like hell yet so fruitful and satisfying. 


You snatched away most of my study time, just enough to teach me how to appreciate and make good use of the precious time left.


There were times when i was so angry and frustrated,only through this i've learnt how to manage my emotion and not let everything to be displayed for public. 


Once,you took away my dignity and i felt like giving up,but you made me realize that life has to move on,i finally found my courage and the spirit to make a good fight. 


Serving with you in this whole year was indeed an eye-opener,i was never good in judging between good or bad,but now i think i have a much better "eyesight". 


I have always thought that love is a wonderful thing that you'll never have enough,but you made me see that over-pouring love could bring destruction.The worst part is,when you love truly and deeply,you'll be hurt deeper and longer.


Lastly,you've definitely made me a stronger person,mentally.Im still keeping a strong faith and belief that,the good shall ALWAYS win.And now i believe in myself more than anybody else.

You made me smile.
You made me laugh.
You made me cry.


But no matter what,you're still a beautifully crafted piece of memory which i will be keeping till the end of my life. Im truly happy accepting the fact that im passing this great responsibility to the next generation,in the meantime feeling sad that we could no longer directly contribute to you anymore.Believe me,when a group of people are sharing the same vision of making something better,and together we made a difference,it feels amazing.

We've tried our best and have no regrets.
Its your turn now=)

urticaria!!!

For those who have no idea about urticaria:
It is commonly known as hives, which are raised, often itchy, red welts on the surface of the skin. They are usually an allergic reaction to food or medicine.


i've been having this bad urticaria for 3 days!!!
it wasn't my first time though
it actually happens whenever there's a change in environment
in this case: coming back to my university after the 3 months break at home

grabbed this from the internet...

but my skin does look like this, all over my body!!!

looked horrible isn't it?T.T

anyway,  i went to the student clinic yesterday, hoping that the doctor will give me an anti-histamine shot which will curb the allergy instantaneously. Unfortunately, that doctor said that i can only get the shot at A&E if my symptoms worsen and involve my airway, causing difficulty in breathing wo...in the meantime, i can only take anti-histamine pills to reduce the itch. Don't ask me what im allergic to, cz i've no idea! But the doctor said its in my gene=.=


the problem is...the pills isn't strong enough to relieve my itchiness as it only work for short hours...plus its side effect of causing drowsiness making me sleepy all the time...plus, the maximum dosage for each day is only 3 pills!!! The doctor said: NOT TO SCRATCH!!!as the scratching will stimulate more histamine release...but its easier to be said than done...


im praying hard to Buddha to speed up my recovery and end my suffering...

say NO!!!

sorry,i don't mean to be rude


just frustrated...


promises were dumped like a garbage


heartbroken

why can't you quit


once and for all

"whether you believe you can, 

or you believe you can't,

either way you're right."

just an update

first of all...
HAPPY  BIRTHDAY TO MY USMkk MARSHMALLOW
HUI DI^^


just a lil bit of latest updates on my life...


のBioethics block finally ended!!!will be followed by 3 weeks of CFCS...study life would be guaranteed boring!!!good news is i will have plenty of time to revise back 2nd year notes,yet still have so much time to watch movies,dramas and read magazine...bad news is we're wasting 1 month++ of time in the campus learning nothing more than "how to break bad news" or "pre and post-test HIV counseling"...


のGOSH my handy is dying...i thought i can use it for another year,but its battery swelled up like ascites!after undergoing battery transplantation,i thought i could prolong its lifespan for at least a year,who knows it will turned hyperthermic(HOT!) after few minutes of chat with my mum...good news is i can FINALLY have a new android phone,hopefully...bad news is $$$ goneT.T


のwas learning origami from the net today and found out that its another addictive hobby!i can practically spent hours just to fold a paper cake!!!


のim SO happy and contented with my life right now,i love my room and my new roomie...im gonna admit that i was feeling worried that i might be left out from my gang of friends since i stay in another hostel which is different from the rest of them...but now i realise that whenever a friendship is cherished it shall never fade just because of trivial matters...FRIENDS are my only valuable asset that keeps my life going on here in USMkk...


のi've borrowed a book named "The 100 simple secrets of Happy People" from the library...just thinking that its time to do a bit of self-motivating and enlightening when im free to do so...if not,when the major block like Communicable Disease comes,there will be no time for me to adjust my mood...thought that im a cheerful person?yes,from the outside;not really,from the inside,im needing guidance and on the way to achieve true happiness and satisfaction...


のi think i need to always remind myself that there's NO MORE honeymoon-ing in 3rd year!!!we will have t face Professional Exam 2 in the May 2012!!!owh~better go to sleep and study MORE each day,starting from tomorrow!!!hehe

im grateful that Buddha has always by my side

and answering my prayer

lending a hand whenever i needed it

this time

i hope that Buddha can answer my prayer too

night(:

my baking diary♥

one week has passed since i returned to my university campus
life's still can be considered as free and easy
as the lecture notes are not that heavy, yet
and most extra-curricular activities are not back on track...

except this!!!
Intervarsity Wushu Championship 2011
dear readers, if you're a wushu lover, please don't hesitate to follow the link above!!!

well...where was i???
ooyea, i was telling you that im enjoying my free time now
and...just wanna rewind my memory back to my hols...
im presenting my baking diary

♥     ♥     ♥     

I've tried 10 different bakings during my 3 months holiday. Im not sure since when i've acquired the passion but i think it might be TV's influence...HAHA...Because of my favourism towards food channel, my ultimate fav would be Australia's Masterchef!!!^^ I love baking, simply because i enjoy every lil steps of it. And for every lil steps taken, i will ensure that im putting in every pieces of my heart. I will also try my best to make the best presentation of my food because this delivers my tender, loving, care(TLC) towards whom that taste my food. Baking, it takes a lot of focus, patience and care and lots of time and money as well...But at the end of the day, when your baking becomes a success, every effort is worth it. However, life is not a bed of roses, there were times when my baking came out as a failure. When this happens, it challenges your acceptance of failure, your determination and fighting spirit. As for myself, when the food that i prepared came out as a failure, i will search the whole universe(the internet!^^) for the answer and solution, then i'll try again till i succeed. Although baking is my top hobby, but i do cook other types of food as well eg. western dishes like pasta, roasted chicken and eastern dishes learned from my beloved mum. In a nutshell, all cookings carry the same theory: when you put your heart into it, people can taste it:)

~Apple Pie~

 ~Chocolate Cheese Cake~

 ~Sandy Hazelnut Gelato~

 ~Cinnamon Roll~

 ~Banana Cake~

~Banana Cupcakes~

 ~Cheese Tarts~

 ~Chocolate with Hazelnut Brownies~

 ~Baked Banana Cheese Cake~

 ~Bread Pudding~

Owh...After doing this review, im feeling SO hungry and im missing my oven SO much! And also the "fans" of my food: my family!!!^^ (although sometimes i may kinda pressured them to give good comments on my food LOL) And maybe, after i've gained enough cooking experience, or when i have time to do so, i may create another blog specifically for my cooking diary!hehe

Ok, enough of rewinding...it's time to travel back to the present and start to work hard for your future...Hhmmm, when mentioning about my future...Maybe i could open a bakery just next to my clinic, which sell only healthy whole-grain bread and pastries with no added preservatives, and not to forget gluten-free bread for my allergic patients...

*slap slap* 

study first, lah~

XD